u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
