just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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