the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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