Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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