I wanna passion pit in your ass
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
