I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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