u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
