We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
