just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
