you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
