isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
