and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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