I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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