hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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