Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
