Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
