My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
