DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
