Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
