i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
