So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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