maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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