My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
