I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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