I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
