My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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