I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
