2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize