Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Man, jail baloney is awful.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
