I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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