when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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