I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
