I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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