Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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