Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
