You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
