All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize