all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
