he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
