WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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