I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
