READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
