THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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