Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
