whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
