Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
