Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
