you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
please come you make the beer taste better
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
