I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
