god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
