tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
