so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
