Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
