Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
