Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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