haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
