Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
