how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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