Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
