I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
