A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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