i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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