I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
