I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize