A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
