I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
